Insult Response Vine

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Lmaoo... funny improv

List of Name-Calling Expletives

Warning: NSFW!

Here are some hilariously funny but rather offensive expletive names to call people who insult you. Why settle for the norm? Responding with "a$$hole" or "jerk" is just boring. You are more likely to gain respect if you respond with something the attacker has never heard before! Any of these will do.

ass goblin
cum bubble
Fuck nut
fuck ball
schmuck
Shit pisser
stank face
shaft sock
blowhole
fuckwit
douchewaffle
vomit fondler
jerk tard
ebola pussy
putzy shit sample
thunder cunt
useless moron
cum knob
queef master
shit sprayer
shit stack
Cum Guzzeler
pathetic parasite
chicken shit
turd licker
fuck stain
shit brick
pap smear
degenerate
cock smoker
cunt sack
useless loser
man whore
moose cock
fuck stick
Bowl of ass soup
douche tard
jizz bucket
ass maggot
ass clown
butt moocher
douche sucker
vaginal bloodfart
piece of cum cake
hose monster
cunt bag
scrotum breath
cum shot
shit licker
sperm dumpster
brainless waste of space

Insults/Comebacks of the Day

I have five of them! They are new! Where do I get these from? I hear them, read them, experience them from my personal encounters with A-holes and write them down as I go!

- This is why the world will never be a beautiful place because if little pieces of shits like you continue to live in this world
- You're a disgusting vomit-inducing douche bag
- You're a waste of space
- You're the definition of scum
- Thank you, I appreciate you acting like a five year old.

Really Brutal Insults

This is a list of some very raunchy comebacks and insults.  NOTE: This list is NSFW and should be used with  extreme caution as many of these are obnoxiously cruel. But let's face it - sometimes you need to fight fire with fire. When you're under attack from a world class a$$hole then any one of these zingers should shut them up pretty quickly. If one doesn't work, then have a few ready for back up!

Looks like you suffered from fetal alcohol syndrome

Go fuck a landmine

A douche of your magnitude could cleanse the vagina of a whale

Go headbutt a bullet

Go play on the freeway

Isn't there a bullet somewhere you could be jumping in front of?

Your face looks like someone tried to put out a forest fire with a screwdriver

Go play hackey sack with a grenade

Go deepthroat a cactus

I don't have the time or the crayons to explain it to you

You think you're hot shit but you're really just cold diarrhea

If you want my comeback, you're gonna have to wipe it off your mom's face

Have you ever considered suing your mother for drinking while she was pregnant with you

You're not half the man your mother is.

You have the intelligence of a stillborn fetus

It must be difficult for you, exhausting your entire vocabulary in one sentence

Why don’t you go outside and play a game of hide and go fuck yourself

You're about as useful as Anne Frank's drum kit

Hey- why don't you give me your phone number and I will call you when I give a shit

Does your penis ever get jealous of you being a total dick

You're not worth the money it would have cost to abort you

I wish you would climb up your ego and jump off onto your IQ

Whoever's willing to fuck you is just too lazy to jerk off

Did you fall from Heaven? Because it looks like you hit the ground face-first

Your birth certificate is an apology from the abortion clinic
.
If I wanted any lip from you I'd pry it off my dick

I'd tell you to go eat a dick, but I don't want to tell you how to do your job

Your mother should have just swallowed you

Your father should have put it in her butt

Your father should have just gone to sleep that night

10 Very Funny Insult/Comeback Memes

20 Hilarious Insult and Comeback Memes

Comebacks Insults - Being Called "FAT"

Sometimes idiots can't think of good insults and have to resort to the most un-creative obvious thing in the world to insult you. They say "Hey Fatty" or call you fat, etc. It's the only thing the can come up with because their brains are so small. Don't take it personally. You are beautiful and they have some serious problems. I have compiled a list of comebacks to being called FAT.

Calling me fat doesn't make you any smarter.
I may be fat but you're an idiot and while I can lose the weight you'll never stop being stupid. 
The amount of intellectual greatness in your comment is truly down to a minimum. 
"Fat" ... Are you 12? 
Fat is changeable. Ugly is permanent.
Thanks for the compliment What time does your mom pick you up from daycare?
Grow up and go draw in a coloring book.
That would hurt me if I actually cared about your opinion. 
I can loose weight for free but it'll cost 10 grand to fix your face
I can lose weight anytime but you need a full a lobotomy to fix your stupidity. 
I'm sorry. What'd you say? I didn't hear you under all that bitch
The only reason I'm fat, is because every time I bang your mom, she feeds me cookies.
If calling me fat can help you feel better about your pathetic life then go ahead. Glad I could help!
You mad? You seem really mad. You OK?
Your ugly it's a lot cheaper for me to lose the weight then it is for you to have plastic surgery
Well, you look like α cross between me & your mom
Don't worry little piggy! You'll grow up someday fatter than me! 
Calling me fat won't make your dick any bigger
Someone had to make you feel better about being so ugly. So I got fat.
Yeah, I like to eat, not puke.
oops let me move the mirror for you
Insulting me won't make you any less stupid
Thanks. I was trying to look like you
So ..you missed your eye exam again?
And yet, for some reason, you are still jealous!
Why don't you pick on someone your own size like that pole over there?